Plan For Death On Your Terms

Why consider a plan for death?!

Historically, we Americans have avoided talking about death as if it were a plague! Yet, it is an inescapable part of our journey on this earth. Birth, aging, death, and yes, taxes! We are, however making headway toward embracing this inevitable consequence of life. We are learning that much like preparing for the arrival of a child, we may have the privilege of preparing for a smooth transition from life to death. I say “may” because not everyone knows when their time will come. Accidents happen, and, as we’ve seen during the pandemic, some of our loved ones get snatched away without warning.

However, for those who have forewarning, such as comes with the diagnosis of a terminal illness, a plan for a good death can be created and put into action.

Engaging The Services Of A Death Doula to Plan for Death

For a couple of decades now, young women have been hiring birth doulas, women who help the new mother from early in her pregnancy, through the birth and beyond during the more challenging first months of the baby’s life. A death doula provides a similar service for end-of-life needs.

Death doulas take a holistic approach and are trained to focus on the physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual aspects of death.

They do not provide medical care. That is left to the healthcare professionals. The overall goal of a death doula is to normalize the experience of death for everyone involved, taking it from an uncomfortable experience to one filled with rich, sweet memories.

Some death doulas work in partnership with hospice care. While some doulas are medically trained as I mentioned, that is not their focus. Instead, they help the terminally ill patient, and their family members, discover what a good death means to them and provides for that outcome.

What A Good Death Looks Like Varies From One Person To Another

For some, a good death may mean being surrounded by family; for others, it might mean watching a favorite movie and then sitting quietly with their most treasured people. Everyone has a personal idea of what constitutes a “good death.” A death doula helps the dying person consider that and come to an ideal that can be engaged.

Death doulas also educate the family about the nuances of the dying process. The process can take longer than anticipated and often is confusing to family members. There are many websites that speak to the many services a death doula may provide. I found one website very helpful and have included the link at the end of this article. I’ve included a few other things that I found interesting that death doulas may do:

• Suggesting ideas for optimal comfort, including giving massages, holding hands, etc.
• Working on legacy projects with the dying, like writing letters to loved ones, taking family photos, creating gifts, writing down life experiences, etc.
• Offering consistent presence during the final days, easing any fear or anxiety that the dying person may feel and allowing family to take much-needed breaks.
• Encouraging the dying to take care of estate planning such as completing a will
• If the family wants, a doula can help plan a funeral or memorial service or provide grief support.

Take Care Of Estate Planning

I was delighted to find out that death doulas do encourage the terminally ill to take care of estate planning if they have not yet done so. This is such a wonderful opportunity to help people tie up the loose ends of their lives. I think as a society we are getting more comfortable planning for our deaths as much as we plan for the arrival of a child. We are finally understanding that this last act can be beautiful.

Resource:
https://www.funeralbasics.org/everything-you-need-to-know-about-death-doulas/

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