How to Talk to Your Family About Elder Care Plans

Many families tend to procrastinate when it comes to conversations about elder care plans for loved ones.

Despite being difficult, conversations about elder care plans can be vital.

Furthermore, such conversations can be productive for everyone concerned about the long-term care of elderly parents. It only requires that one person initiate the process and thoughtfully engage other family members.

Establishing a plan that has been discussed and agreed to by your elder loved ones and other participating family members, while your loved ones are of sound mind, can prevent painful misunderstandings and suffering later and provide the appropriate care when needed. I’m providing ways to address this important conversation culminated from experts in the profession of elder care. You may want to share the ideas with other family members to let them know your intentions.

Educate Yourself First

Being knowledgeable and prepared will go a long way to having successful conversations about a topic that is typically difficult. Do your homework. Before you initiate the conversation about senior care, prepare yourself. Also remember that exploring and learning more does not mean that you are making decisions without the consent of your parent or aging family member. You are simply preparing yourself to be as helpful as possible for the conversations ahead.

• Create a list of your concerns. It’s a great idea to know what you are worried about for your parents. For example, you may worry that their home is no longer a safe environment for them. Perhaps they’re having trouble with daily tasks such as getting dressed, grooming, bathing or managing their medications. Make a list of all your concerns and ask family members for their observations as well.
• Educate yourself about retirement communities and senior care options in your area.   As you learn more about senior care options such as retirement communities and assisted living, you’ll have a better understanding of what may fit your aging parent best. Also find out how each communities handles emergency health issues such as outbreaks of flu or COVID.

Once you know your concerns about your loved ones and have sufficiently educated yourself and feel you can confidently explain the options, it’s time to start the conversation with your loved ones.

The following tips can help you have a productive conversation:

• Have the conversation as early as possible. Rather than waiting for a health crisis to force the issue, tackling this difficult decision early can help you and your loved ones reach a decision and start planning with much less pressure.
• Talk in person, if possible. If you can be together to have a face-to-face conversation, great. If not, set up a video call so you can at least see each other during the discussion. Try to arrange a time when you and your parent are well rested and relaxed. Block out a time and a location where you can talk without interruption.
• Ask questions, then listen, listen, listen. One of the first questions you may want to ask is if your loved ones have an estate plan that includes long-term care coverage. If not and you recognize they have anxieties, concerns and objections about moving from their home and into a retirement community, don’t minimize those feelings. It’s important to acknowledge them and continue to ask questions so you can better understand their reservations. This will make it clear that you will respect their wishes.
• Empathy, not sympathy. No older adult wants their adult child to feel sorry for them. But empathy is always welcome. Your kind, calm voice and demeanor will show you care — and that you’re trying to understand the fears and frustrations they may feel. The idea of accepting in-home care or moving to assisted living is tough. You begin to help as soon as you really begin to listen.
• Don’t rush. Once you’re armed with knowledge, you may feel ready to make a decision. But your parents may need more time. Allow them the time they need to find the words to express how they’re feeling. Coming to an unpressured mutual agreement will continue to pay dividends as you move forward together.
• Plan to talk again. And again. As much as you might want to wrap things up in one conversation, the reality is this will likely be a series of talks. Unless your aging family member is in imminent danger, that’s OK. It’s a process, not a once-and-done discussion.
• Try to arrange a visit to a community. One of the best ways to alleviate worries about moving is to show your loved one what a community is actually like. With their agreement, schedule a visit to a nearby community. This lets them get an idea of the lifestyle, amenities, culture and type of neighbors they’re likely to have.
• Remember, it’s their decision. Unless your elderly parents are mentally incapacitated, they get to decide whether to move out of their home and into a care facility of some kind. You have the responsibility of raising your concerns, out of love for them, but the ultimate decision belongs to them.

If your aging loved ones want to remain in their home and have not yet created a plan that includes long-term care options, it may not be too late to establish a workable plan. If you and your loved ones would like to explore creating an estate plan, give my office a call at (470) 235-7868.

Looking to find an experienced estate lawyer in the Georgia area who is skilled in asset protection and estate plan preparation? Shannon Pawley is an attorney in Georgia with expertise in estate planning and asset protection. Shannon can provide assistance with creating an estate plan to include making a will and how to establish a trust properly. If you have questions about asset protection or questions about making an estate plan, reach out to Shannon and she will be glad to help answer all the estate planning questions you might have!