How Best to Protect a Loved One with Dementia When They Are Pushing You Away

Living with and caring for a loved one with dementia is challenging at best. I know from firsthand experience.

And, often, when your loved one seems to be pushing you away, it can really test your fortitude. When this kind of behavior happens, many family caregivers want to give up completely and start to talk about putting their loved one in a facility. However, depending on the situation, it’s highly likely there are loving ways to manage this kind of behavior while protecting your loved one in the comfort of home. The most important thing to remember is to not take their behavior personally. Remember your loved one is ill and their pushback, resistance, and other challenging behavior is a symptom of their condition.

They Can’t Change Their Behavior, But You Can Change Yours

Tried and true behavioral methods that, with practice, are easy to learn, can be very helpful in dealing with our loved ones with dementia. Second only to not taking things personally, the best approach to take with your loved one is to remain calm. Many times, calmly validating their feelings, and then gently redirecting their attention to a more positive activity or interaction is all it takes to make them feel safe. It’s important to keep in mind and to understand that your loved-one’s behavior is most often a result of confusion and fear related to their condition.

Create A Safe Supportive Environment for Those With Dementia

When your loved one with dementia is pushing you away, remember they are frightened or do not feel safe. Keep the following list of tips nearby as a reminder to help your loved one feel safe.

Acknowledge their emotions: Listen attentively and try to understand the underlying reason for their resistance, even if they can’t articulate it clearly. Phrases like “It seems like you’re feeling frustrated right now” can help validate their feelings.
Use gentle redirection: Instead of forcing them to do something they are resisting, offer alternative activities that might be more engaging. For example, if they refuse to take a bath, suggest a hand-washing session or a relaxing activity instead.
Maintain a calm demeanor: Your own emotional state can greatly impact the situation. Speak in a soothing voice and avoid getting upset, even if they are being difficult.
Simplify communication: Use short, simple sentences and avoid complex instructions.
Offer choices where possible: Give them a couple of options to choose from to maintain a sense of control.
Maintain a consistent routine: A predictable schedule can help reduce anxiety and confusion.
Provide physical comfort: Sometimes, a gentle touch, a hug, or holding their hand can be calming.
Consider environmental factors: Assess their surroundings for potential triggers like noise, clutter, or unfamiliar people.
Seek professional support: Consult with a healthcare provider or dementia specialist to discuss specific strategies for managing challenging behaviors.

Remember your loved one’s resistance is not directed at you if they are dealing with dementia.

It’s a symptom of their condition. So, remember, don’t take it personally. Also, be patient. It may take time to find the right approach to effectively support your loved one. And, equally important to the care of your loved one is your self-care. Prioritize your well-being by asking for support from friends and family.

Plan Ahead As Much As Possible

Hopefully the loved one for whom you are providing care had the foresight to create an estate plan. If not, you can probably better understand the importance of having one and provide the motivation to act sooner rather than later. If you are interested in creating an estate plan that includes important healthcare options, give my office a call today at (470) 235-7868.

Looking to find an experienced estate lawyer in the Georgia area who is skilled in asset protection and estate plan preparation? Shannon Pawley is an attorney in Georgia with expertise in estate planning and asset protection. Shannon can provide assistance with creating an estate plan to include making a will and how to establish a trust properly. If you have questions about asset protection or questions about making an estate plan, reach out to Shannon and she will be glad to help answer all the estate planning questions you might have!

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